If you already have biological children, it's important to discuss the adoption topic with them and ensure their questions are adequately answered to avoid feelings of confusion or resentment. The exact approach you take for your discussion depends on each child's age and understanding of the issue of adoption. In general, however, you should stress the message that your decision to add to your family will be positive for everyone. Here's how you can answer three common questions that your children might have about their new sibling.
Is He/She A Real Brother/Sister?
The website Adoptive Families recommends telling your children that their new adopted sibling is a "real" family member. Obviously, the manner in which you handle this question depends on the age of your children, but having your biological and adopted children view themselves as legitimate siblings can create a feeling of unity. Older biological children won't likely ask this question; they'll already know the answer. In this situation, insist that despite the new addition to the family having different parents, you and your spouse or partner truly view the new child as your own and that you don't expect your biological children acting otherwise.
Can You Love Another Child As Much?
It's common for children to ask this question of their parents whether the new addition to the family is adopted or not. Stress to each of your biological children that your decision to expand your family doesn't mean that you love him or her less. Rather, say that adding a new sibling allows you to love each of your children even more. This concept can be difficult for children to grasp, so move on to discussing the advantages of a new sibling, such as having someone new to play with and partake in your cherished family traditions.
Are We Going To Have More New Siblings?
The approach you take to discussing the possibility of additional family members depends on the age of your children and, of course, your future plans. If you've decided to adopt because of physical health reasons that prohibit you from having another biological child, for example, just answer truthfully -- say that you do not think you'll have another child or that because you love children so much, there's a chance that you might continue to expand your family. Be sure to share your answer in a manner that reminds your kids that you love them; you don't want to send the message that you want more kids through adoption because you aren't happy with your existing family.
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